RelationshipWe are going to talk about relationship, but first let's see what the definition is.
Definition: 1: the state of being related or interrelated (entered into marriage relationship) 2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship as a: Kinship b: a specific instance or type of kinship 3: a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings (had a good relationship with his family) b: a romantic or passionate attachment.
I believe that when you entered into your marriage relationship, you had a romantic or passionate attachment to that special someone you chose for your wife. Time has gone by, and you may be like many, you’re not sure what really happened, but things are very different now. Something seems to be missing!Do you have a relationship with your wife right now, or are you just living together and making the motions?
Do people see you as this good husband, but when you are alone things change drastically.
Here are a few questions that might help you decide if you have a relationship with your wife or not:
- Do you look forward to going home to your wife after work?
- Does your wife look forward to your coming home?
- Do you hold actual conversations with your wife, or are they more one sided?
- Do you do little things for your wife to help her out?
- Do you ever buy her little gifts (cards, flowers, one flower, trinkets) for no reason other than you love her?
- Do you ever give your wife a compliment?
- Do you ever thank her for things she does?
- Do you think about your wife when she’s not around?
- Do you ever call her on the phone just to tell her you love her and miss her?
If you want to have a good marriage, one that will last for a lifetime, you are going to have to have a good relationship! Let me tell you this one thing, what you put into your marriage is what you are going to get back in return. Let’s take a look at an area that can hurt our relationships very much. I hope as a husband you have never lifted your hand against your wife, but let me tell you something, you can do more damage with words right from your own mouth. Verbal abuse can do more damage than physical abuse in many cases, so this is a no no in your relationship. Here are some examples of verbal abuse:
- Why can’t you do anything right.
- You’re so stupid, or you’re so dumb.
- You’re worthless.
- Why did I ever marry you.
- You don’t know what you’re talking about.
- What do you know, (thinking in your mind, you’re only a woman)
- Any kind of name calling.
- Swearing at our wives in anger.
- The list goes on, but you get the picture. These are things better left unsaid!
Here is another thing we do that we need to be very careful about, and that is neglecting our wives! I’m not talking about deliberately doing it, but more like being to busy to have time for her. You may be too busy because you just got a new toy, or a new baby, ( computer, new gun, new car, boat, camera, or anything else you can think of) and now these things seem to take us away from our wives, and even our children. We spend so much time taking care of these things. We treat them special, we say DON’T TOUCH, we clean and polish them, and spend so much time keeping them in good shape. While doing this, we let our marriage get out of shape. We can’t find the time to spend 10 minutes with our wives, caring for them and their needs. All these other things have been coming first. For some men, their baby may be their job! They seem to be married to their jobs more than to their wives. Oh yes in your mind you are thinking, I am the provider for my family and I have to work this much to provide the things they need. Yes they have needs, but do you know that wives need their husbands around and children need their fathers around more than they need all these things you are providing? Remember our children are only around for a short time and then they are gone, at which time it’s too late!
Here is an area that I have to continually work on, and that is taking my wife for granted! Don’t take your wife for granted, and let me tell you it is so easy to do. My father before he passed away, could only think about all the things he didn’t do in his marriage after mom passed away. All the things we’ve covered here so far, were right there at the top of his mind, wishing he had done so many things differently, but of course it’s too late after they have gone. Our wives cook, they watch the kids, they clean the house, many times they work just as many hours as we do, but we get the idea in our heads that, “I don’t need to tell her I love her on a daily basis, as she knows it. Please what ever you do, don’t be one of those guys that say when asked, of course I love you, if I didn’t I would let you know! Well I’m here to tell you that women need to feel loved, and just saying it doesn’t cut it. We need to show them they are loved, not just tell them (but by all means do tell them on a daily basis.) Here are some ways to show them we love them, besides telling them, as mentioned earlier:
- Buy them a card once in a while, just for no reason at all, other than to say I LOVE YOU!
- Write them a poem or love note.
- Buy them flowers or just one flower and a cute note.
- Buy them some little trinket, (for my wife it’s any kind of bear, as she collects them)
- Take her out on a date, (dinner and a movie, or something else you know she likes.)
- Here are some ways that don’t even cost anything:
- Open the car door for her.
- Open any doors you go through (shopping, house)
- Carry things for her
- Hold her hand, in public, at home, in the car.
- Give her a romantic HUG once in a while
- Do small things around the house (pick up your clothes, help with the meal, set the table, take out the trash without having to be asked
There are many areas you can work on to build a strong relationship. If you are in a place in your marriage where you are having real problems, I suggest that you take a few of these ideas, and begin gradually doing them. I promise you that she will notice and have a comment to say at some point, and that’s your chance to let her know that you want to work on your relationship, because you love her!